Happy April Foo....Tax Day?

This was supposed to be an April Fool's Day (and Max's birthday) post...but then some things happened and I fell behind schedule.

Can you spot the oddity in this picture?

That's right! The dog driving the car from Wisconsin is NOT holding a gun or eating cheese.*

Happy April Fool's Tax Day!

*Not meant to be an factual statement about Wisconsinians.

Max and the Frisbie

Oh frisbies, beloved by children, barefoot college students and dogs alike.

Well, most dogs.

Today's story begins with our brave hero Maximus the Great as he boldly takes on Rubbles the Avenger in the race of the Blue Frisbie.

Maximus was feeling pretty great about his chances of taking home the ultimate prize of the Blue Frisbie. He'd been practicing his sprints, turns and body slams, and felt like this time he just might come out on top.

Unfortunately, the Blue Frisbie had other ideas. With the frisbie thrown, Maximus and Ruby dashed off in hot pursuit, a look of wicked delight on Max's face as he pulled ahead of Ruby. But with all his brain power focused on keeping his four feet from tripping up, he misjudged the distance between mouth and frisbie, and instead of snatching it up in his pearly whites, he somehow managed to insert his front paw into the hole ripped through the middle. (This Blue Frisbie is made of rubber.)

Not one to be defeated by a frisbie, Max grabbed the toy and shook it vigourously as if to say, "HaHA Frisbie! You may have grabbed my foot, but at the end of the day you will be in pieces on the grass!"

You can imagine his surprise when the frisbie, securely fixed around his front paw, refused to let go and as he lifted the frisbie to give it a good shake, his front paw followed.

His triumphant look was replaced with one of terror as he began to realize that this Blue Frisbie was refusing to let go. Like most people facing the horror of a killer frisbie, Max tried to flee. But that stubborn Blue Frisbie would not let go of his front paw, and Max's terror only increased as the Blue Frisbie continued to chase him around the yard.

Poor Max's distress was finally ended when my sister managed to tackle him as he passed by and pulled the frisbie off his leg.

He hasn't shown interest in the frisbie since.

Cutest Picture of Ruby Ever?

You be the judge! Check out this picture of Rubbles when she was a baby. And I mean a tiny little baby that no one could possibly fathom would turn into the big hunk of lady she is today.

So what do you think? Cutest, or just pretty darn cute?

Max and the French Fry

Ruby had to go to the vet a few days ago to get her teeth cleaned. For anyone who isn't familiar with doggie dental hygiene practices, they have to put your dog to sleep in order to clean their teeth. Needless to say, Ruby came home stoned, I took pictures, and those will be posted at a later date.

The big news for today is that even in her extremely drugged up state, she managed to eat a french fry.

On the way home from the dentist, my dad stopped for lunch, and saved some french fries for Max and Ruby. Once he got Ruby home, and she'd slept off enough of the anesthesia to stop drooling in her sleep, she received a french fry for being so brave.

Max, who was thrilled to have Ruby home, was prancing around the room with his new favorite toy in his mouth, a large red stuffed lobster. My sister found it at Costco and insisted Max would adore the lobster. And she was right, he loved that thing right up to the day he finally tore it into enough tiny pieces to extract the squeaker from inside.

But, at this point, the lobster was still very much intact and in Max's mouth. After giving Ruby a french fry, my dad held one out to Max.

Max toddled over to the french fry and stopped. He started at the french fry. He stared at my dad. He reached forward and sniffed the french fry with his nose. His eyes flicked down to the lobster hanging from his mouth. He began to wag his tail enthusiastically and prance back and forth, looking from the french fry, to my dad, to his lobster.

It was at this point my dad realized Max was trying to figure out how to eat the french fry, but knew this would be impossible while his lobster was still in his mouth. This continued for a little while longer as Max racked his brains trying to figure out how to eat the french fry while keeping his jaws firmly locked around his lobster.

The brain hemorrhage that probably would have resulted from much more of this mental strain was prevented only when my dad reached out and gently took the lobster from Max's mouth and held it as he ate his french fry.

With his delicious treat successfully snacked, Max retrieved his lobster from my dad and went to comfort Ruby who had once again passed out on the living room floor, undoubtedly dreaming magical dreams of dancing lobsters juggling potatoes.

Funniest Picture Ever

Yesterday I found out my blog is featured on a pet blog carnival! 

http://petsnthingsonline.com/2011/02/23/pet-writers-gathering-blog-carnival/

Exciting stuff, right?

So I'm bounding down the stairs to share the news with Max. When I dashed into the living room to share the news, I found him asleep.

I was momentarily disappointed until I took a good look at the way he was sleeping. That is when I took what might be the funniest picture of Max I have ever taken.

The best thing about this picture is the way it looks when you turn it upside-down.

Pretty happy guy!

So, what do you think, is it the funniest picture of Max yet?

The last day of Love Week!

This is it! I did it, an entire week posting every day. So my loyal readers, what do I have for you on this momentous occasion? 

Well my friends, here is a little documentary I filmed on what I imagine it would be like to be chased by a bear. A bear that was then distracted by your small blonde friend and then ate him instead.

Love love love to my readers!

I love - Snow Days!

Not that I had one today. I didn't. But I do love them!

Last time I had a snow day, I curled up in front of the fire with my blankey

and then I got my hair done and watched some tv.

It was a pretty good day.

I love - Rock and Roll!

So put another dime in the jukebox, baby.

I love - celebrity guest stars!

I can't believe I've made it to day 5 of Love Week and am actually still posting!

So, apparently the Westminster Dog Show happened and I was totally unaware. You would think the writer of a dog-blog would pay a little more attention to the goings on of the doggie world, but I guess I had other things to do that day.

So imagine my surprise when I found out from a coworker that history was made when a underdog (HA!) from our own Minneapolis won best in show! Now, I'm no dog show expert, but I have surmised from the way this photo of our lovely Hickory is plastered all over the Westminster website, that best in show is a very big deal. The superbowl of dogs, basically.

Check out all the trophies! Not to mention her excellent posture.

After perusing the website, a thought occurred to me....how have I not entered my dogs in a dog show?

So listen up Westminster Kennel Club! I am officially submitting my lovely pups to the 2012 extravaganza. There are going to be some new bitches in town! (I'm only using that word in reference to how puppy gender is referred to in the dog show biz. Female = Bitch. Male = Dog. Who knew!?)

My first submission will be in the working class category. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing 

Hindleborn's Rubified Hot Pants!

Breed: Newfoundland

Sex: A whole lot of lady

AKC: DF 213049829

Date of Birth: April 15, 2007

Breeder: Katz McGee

Sire: Bullion Bill Bronco

Dam: Gem of the Sahara

Owner: Yours Truly

For my next submission, I would like to introduce, in his showcase debut:

Maximus Twinkle Toes the Great

Breed: Golden Retriever

Sex: ...we'll get back to you on that

AKC: HM 2340939835

Date of Birth: April 1, 2008

Breeder: S. Bean

Sire: Liberace's Pink Slippers

Dam: Poodlepom of Pompeii

Owner: Yours Truly

Bring it on, Hickory!

I love - The BFF

The BFF - they always have your back whether you're battling a cold, an ex-boyfriend, or the entire world.

Aren't friends just the best?

Love Week Part 3

Today's theme: I love making new friends!

Meet Rufus, the guest star of today's post. He can do some amazing tricks. Check out this one I helped teach him.

Pretty amazing, isn't he? Not the best video, I'll admit, but you get the picture. See, if I didn't love making new friends so much, who would even know he could do that?

Love Week Part 2!

To avoid sounding preachy or overzealous about this whole love business, I thought I would address a topic that can probably not be disputed by anyone anywhere.

I love food.

Food food food! Cheesy pizza, chocolate cake, grilled shrimp and tacos, who cares? It's all DELICIOUS! (In moderation of course, let's not get too crazy here America.)

I thought everyone would enjoy an example of how my dogs catch food. This video documents how Ruby and Max handle food tossed at them EVERY TIME. Except once. Max once caught a piece of baked potato I tossed to him, and the entire family was floored in our surprise. Miracles do happen!

Yep, right in the face. Every time.

A Week of Love - Part 1

Today, I am going to start a very ambitious challenge.

I am going to post every day for a week.

I know, right? Really? Every day for an ENTIRE week? Because so far you can barely manage once a month.

Well, NOT today sister! I am determined to do this, and to inspire me I have dubbed this week "Love Week".

Those of you who know me know that I am a hopeless romantic. Wall-E is my favorite movie, not only because space and robots are cool, but because it's an endearing love story about two robots who go green.

So my hopeless romanticism has been spring loaded by Valentine's Day yesterday, and I have decided to dedicate the entire week to a concept that might get a bad rap this time of year.

Today's theme is: I love YOU! Yes you. Because I know there is someone out there (and please note I am not specifying romantic love, it can be any kind) that you LOVE. You see them, and you smile because you can't help it and you just want to go be by that person and maybe even do something crazy like give them a hug or make a high-pitched squealing sound.

With that said, here is my inspirational I love YOU! story for the day:


When Max was a baby, he had to go to the vet. Not because he had inhaled a squeaker, or eaten his collar, no, this was just a routine check-up to get some shots.

But this particular occasion happened to be his very first trip to the vet. Ever. It was also only his second trip in a car. Ever.

If you've met Max, I'm sure you can imagine the high level of uncertainty, confusion, and periodic terror that accompanied this unknown voyage. Especially because he was allocated to the back of my dad's car. His first car ride had been a cozy affair in which his saintly buns did not even touch the seat, let alone the floor, of the car. He traveled securely wrapped in my and my sister's arms receiving ample kisses and murmurings of "Good Boy! Aren't you cute??? We're going to have so much fun, you'll just love our back yard!"

I have to admit, if my first trip in a car was that relaxing, I probably would have been just as displeased as Max was to be gently, but firmly, placed in the back of a car on a rubber mat. It resulted in a pretty instantaneous and consistent whimpering that probably would have broken even Dick Cheney's heart. Perhaps literally. It was pretty high pitched.

Luckily for our sanity, Ruby was also due for some booster shots, and was accompanying Max in the back of the car. About half way through the drive to the vet clinic, Max pulled his trembling, nervous little self together enough to make it to the safety of a vast cave of fur when he secured a spot sitting between Ruby's front paws.

Yes, Max had become a little Matryoshka doll, completely encased underneath Ruby who was calmly seated and staring down at Max with slight confusion and a little more concern. At this point in the ride, Ruby bent down and gave Max a big smooch on the top of his head.

The transformation was shocking. Not only was this smooch met with a glorious end to the high-pitched squeal, but Max actually began to wag his tail!

How Ruby's affection calmed Max so quickly is a bit of a mystery since it wasn't like the super cute mommy giraffe kissing her baby giraffe picture we all know and love, but more like the sucking kiss of a Dementor since his head became momentarily lodged in Ruby's mouth when we went over a bump in the road.

It's possible that emerging from a dark space, covered in slime, brought his back to his early childhood days, but I like to this that on that fateful day, Max was saved emotional trauma by LOVE. It didn't matter any longer where they were going, or why his tiny bottom was being bounced around the back of a moving vehicle. Ruby loved him and he was content to go with her where ever that may be, and has been ever since.

So my darling readers, this is one reason why I thing that love should be celebrated for it's capabilities to heal even our most deep-seated insecurities and fears. So go enjoy Valentine's Day Part 2 and tell someone I love YOU!

A Cure for the Valentine’s Day Blues!

For those of you who believe Valentine’s Day is a consumerist conspiracy targeting weak-minded or sappy individuals, and conning them into purchasing mass quantities of chocolate, roses, greeting cards and lingere……alright, fine, you may have a point.

BUT! I would also like you consider that it’s not Valentine’s Day itself that is the culprit, but the way we choose to celebrate it. What’s so terrible about having one day a year when we can say “I love you!” to that special someone?

And I don’t just mean for those of you currently seeing someone. I mean ANY special someone. Someone who brings joy into your life whether it’s family, friends, or that guy who got on your bus the other day wearing an outfit that would put Cee Lo’s Elmo-inspired Grammy suit to shame. (Or don’t tell that guy…I guess it depends on how attached you are to having all your fingers.)

To illustrate my point I would like to bring to your attention two of the most enamored individuals I know:

They don’t need cards, flowers or fancy dinners to make an impression. It’s been love from first wag for these two.

So maybe we all just need to take a step back and remember that it’s the simple, every day gestures, like a full body slam followed by a vicious display of teeth and ending in gentle kisses, that show someone how much you care.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Locked Out

The other day, Max locked my entire family out of the house. I know, I know, I’m sure you’re all as puzzled as we were as to how he managed it.

Well, Max has this toy. It’s a neon green rubber bone that he loves to carry around in his mouth much like a rich old businessman would carry his cigar.

Only less angry.

The whole Smith family was going out the front door to have a grand old time at the Lakeville movie theater. Max, rubber bone in mouth, stared sadly out the window alongside the door as we drove off down the street.

Two and a half hours and one bucket of popcorn later, we returned home with the leftovers to give to Ruby and Max. (They are great popcorn fiends.) My sister unlocked the door and managed to open it an inch before it stopped. The Smith family ceased its chatter as we stared, puzzled, at the door. My sister gave it another tentative push. Nothing. 

While we struggled, pushed and wiggled the stuck door, Max and Ruby stared at us out the window, happily wagging their tails like this was the best game we had ever invented. As our frustration continued, their glee only increased until they were bounding around like two spring loaded jumping beans.

Finally, we had the sense to use the key pad on the garage door open the garage door and get in that way. It took us entirely too long and involved a lot of…

Now, wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute…what’s the code again?

I just told you the code.

I KNOW, but the door didn’t open.

Did you press the up and down button?

*Scathing look* Of COURSE I pushed the button.

Well, try it again.

*Tries again  with definite up/down button pushing*

*Door opens*

Huh…well, I guess I maybe didn’t push the button.

Five minutes later, we’re all finally inside the house and go to investigate what made our door stick. It turns out that after we had left, Max somehow managed to wedge his neon green bone in the gap between the bottom of the door and the floor. Much like one of those brown wedge-shaped door stops. But neon green. And bone-shaped. And pointing in the wrong direction.

We came to the conclusion that Max was upset we had left him behind when we went to the movie, and after many hugs, kisses, and a solemn promise to never see anything starring Robert Pattenson* without him again, we could sleep safe in the knowledge that we would no longer be locked out of our own house by man’s best friend.

*I don’t actually think the movie had R-Patz in it, but I image that would be Max’s favorite actor. He does have voluminous hair, and sparkles in the sunlight. What more can a guy ask for?

You're Being Watched...

You may be under the impression that because Ruby and Max are large, they make great watch dogs.

Not so.

In our house there are many terrifying things, things you need protection from. A chair might fall over, for example.  Sometimes my mom decides to use the swiffer on our kitchen floor (absolutely petrifying). Or sometimes, on those rare occasions of both a full moon and Friday the 13^th, the Laminated-Sheet-Of-Paper monster will rear it’s ugly head.

These are all things that people need protection from.

So why, with all these daily horrors, would Max and Ruby need to guard us against something as insignificant as a stranger at the front door? Daily life at the Smith house is so frightening, package delivery people, handymen (or women), and that creepy guy you hired to clean out your vents are greeted with enthusiastic tail wagging.

Or just this:

Whichever the case may be, I think it’s safe to say that the only way a burglar or ax murderer will be prevented from entering our house in the middle of the night is if Ruby falls asleep in front of the door. Once she’s out, she’s a hard lady to move.

Ruby's Employed!

For anyone who hasn’t yet heard, Ruby is now a certified therapy dog. Instead of spending her free time face-planting Max into snow drifts, she now visits a local schools and libraries and reads with kids from Kindergarten to 3^rd grade. In exchange for helping these children practice their literacy, she gets to lie around and listen to stories all afternoon. Sweet deal, right?

You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But no one could have foreseen the unfortunate consequences of the events previous to story time….BATH TIME!!!!!

Now, for Ruby this isn’t a big deal. She is a Newfoundland after all, and couldn’t be more at home in the water if she’d been adopted by a pack of wild frogs when she was a puppy. For Ruby, bath time is not an issue. It’s Max who still has nightmares.

As I’m sure many of you know, with siblings, what you do for one, you have to do for the other or life is a horrible, unfair, temper tantrum day. Well, same thing goes for pet owners. You can’t really give one dog a bath and leave the other to frolic joyfully in his masculine odors, which is how Max and Ruby ended up at the doggie beauty parlor.

Everything was going smoothly, so we were told, until the groomer discovered a large amount of matting near Max’s derriere. No amount of combing could untangle these knots, and Max was beginning to get pretty anxious by the time his stylist arrived at the last resort.

Shave the mats out.

A necessary, yet desperate measure, Max’s buns were now exposed to the sub zero weather of last week. As a result, whenever he absolutely HAD to go to the bathroom (and trust me, he could hold out for a while) we would open the door so he could sprint outside, piddle as quickly as possible and come charging back up the stairs to bang on the door and scream bloody murder because his humps were frozen.

But, this story does have a happy ending. After the trauma of BATH TIME Max now enjoys many nights warming his buns by the fire and sampling popcorn while watching a little reality TV before dozing off and dreaming sweet dreams of furry underpants.

Oh dear me!

Another month gap between posts! I'm so sorry, but the holidays totally got to me this year.

First there was fighting over the bargains on Black Friday




Wrapping Christmas presents...unwrapping Christmas presents...




And of course there's New Years Day morning...who even remembers that!?




So I hope you'll forgive my poor blogging habits! It's my resolution to do better in the future!

And thanks to the lovely Tom for the super cute pictures!